Life can be a sticky fly trap. We’re buzzing around freely one moment, or at least feeling free, and then—splat; we’re stuck! This may seem like an extreme metaphor, but to those that feel stuck in life, I imagine it might seem a little understated.
Getting stuck and being stuck is no day in the park. It’s a most violent experience! If you don’t think so, just ask someone who’s been stuck in life or are presently fighting to escape, and you’ll quickly readjust your thinking about it.
So, we’ll take a few moments to discuss some things to avoid, ensuring you don’t end up hopelessly trapped and stagnate in life. This is critically important because once stuck in the trap, you must be willing to lose something precious to free yourself. I hope these ten things to consider will help you save life and limb.
- Betting Big on a Losing Cause: It’s unfortunate, but a lot of people live their lives like it’s a Vegas craps table. They are constantly looking to hit the big one. They choose to live by chance and not on purpose. In their desperate attempt to get something for little or nothing, they go all in on a long shot. They fail to see the value and importance of doing their due diligence, doing some real homework and research, and verifying the facts because that’s real work. These are the people who live everyday with a lottery ticket in the pockets of their minds. They’re stuck because they’re waiting for something fortuitous to happen to them or for them. The unsuccessful gamblers justify their actions with the statement; “You can’t win if you don’t play.” This is nothing more than a justification for taking the path of least resistance. The truth is; most people never win, and if they had but wisely invested in a viable vehicle of valuable service to the world, they could create the outcomes they’re waiting for chance to deliver. Therefore, we must simply decide if we’re going to be a gambler or a planner and designer of our lives. We must decide if we’re going to be one who sits pining over our hopes and dreams or a doer. Let me be clear; I’m not on a soap box preaching against gambling or taking chances, the point is to avoid getting stuck mentally, desirous of getting something for nothing.
- Not Asking the Hard Questions: Our minds can be very chatty. Our thinking can be muddled. We can be full of accusation, criticism, complaint, discontentment, and blame. This isn’t just directed outwardly, we tend to really open both barrels, launching all-out assaults against us too. This frequently results in our being stuck in depression, confusion, dissatisfaction, disconnection emotionally and physically, gloominess, hopelessness, and utter frustration. The aforementioned dispositions are the results of an improper framing of some valuable information. We get stuck in places and dispositions that are not in our best interests because we either neglect to ask the hard questions or we don’t even know the questions to ask. Many fear asking hard questions of them because they misunderstand the process. Asking the hard questions doesn’t mean personal indictment, although that’s not an altogether bad thing either, but instead, it’s about pursuing truth. Let’s take a moment to compare and contrast self-accusation and asking the hard questions: You’re going to fail could be reframed as the question, How do I succeed? You’re not good enough could be reframed as the question, How do I get better? You can’t afford this could be reframed as the question, How do I afford this? People won’t support you could be reframed as the question, How do I become more inspirational and influential? You can’t live without them could be reframed as the question, Why do I feel so dependent upon them? These are only a few of some very hard questions one could ask themselves, but it’s a good beginning if you intend to avoid being stuck or are trying to have your freedom.
- Settling For a Flat World: Many people get stuck in life by default. We tend to accept, without personal verification, the things others offer as truth. There was a time in the world’s history when people believed the world was flat. Mariners wouldn’t journey beyond a certain point because they believed they would fall off the face of the earth. There were a few brave explorers that began to challenge the accepted norm, the truth of their day, and they began to propose the world was round. The few believed that there was a force that held everything securely to the face of the planet. They tested the social conditioning, the collective mindset, the broadly accepted opinion of the flat world principle and they were handsomely rewarded for their spirit of curiosity, exploration, and defiance. One of the easiest ways to get stuck is to be taught your limitations, to be placed in a box by your orientation, to be lulled into settling over the course of your young life. One of the easiest ways to get stuck in life is to settle for what the majority says is right without challenging it to see if it’s right and if it’s right for you. Many languish in the discomfort of their “comfort zone” because it’s what everyone they encounter believes it’s supposed to be. Incidentally, the world wasn’t made round by these brave explorers. The truth was simply discovered when they were willing to fall off the face of the earth.
- Trusting You’ll Have Your Job For Life: There are so many things wrong with this idea. This idea is antiquated and growing more irrelevant and untrue every day. Gone are the days when you could follow the social formula for success in America. You know; “Go to school. Get good grades. Graduate. Get a secure job, with good benefits. Work hard for 40 years, and retire to get your pension.” Hah! That ship sailed long ago! Unfortunately, this message is still being preached and followed. Jobs have and are being outsourced to other countries where labor is dirt cheap, and they’re never coming back. It’s just sound business and economic principles at work in our capitalistic system. Today, we can’t trust our careers to anyone but us. Employers are in business for profit, and when overhead interferes with this sound business objective, one of the first things to cut are employees. In a nutshell, this makes each employee expendable and/or replaceable. These outsourcings of jobs, which by the way are not and have never truly been “American jobs”, have made the American job market more competitive. The interesting, developing nuance is the competition is driving income potential down. The demand for these jobs have emboldened and further empowered companies and employers. So, people are more educated, more saturated with educational debt, with far fewer employment opportunities. This is the way to entrap generations in dead-end jobs. The last I checked, “dead-end” meant no outlet. Instead of looking for a job, you might want to start looking for opportunities to build your own business or enterprise. It’s the only way to ensure you don’t get stuck.
- Entitlement: I learned some time ago, from a great teacher, Earl Nightingale, that we are only entitled to what we justly earn. It’s that simple, no more—no less! If we want something in life, we have to be willing to roll up our sleeves and go get it. We have to be ready to work hard to create the value commensurate with the compensation we desire. We have to be able to serve the many if we would be great. If we expect more than we’re willing to work for, we’ll begin blaming, accusing, and projecting our responsibilities onto others, and then we’re really stuck. When we start pointing fingers at others, we go nowhere because we overlook the only person that could have done anything about it; us. We must accept personal responsibility for the realization of all we intend.
- Mixing Business Cocktails: We must be careful we don’t become mixologists in business. Some of us make the huge mistake of doing emotional business. Now, it’s okay to allow emotion and passion to fuel our personal drive in business, but it’s a mistake to do emotional business. Some have made themselves hostages in their businesses because they allowed emotion to drive and influence their business decisions, making them unsound and imprudent. Where personal emotions are involved in business or in the work place, be sure you invest a little more time in making decisions. It makes sense to sleep on the decisions if you can. 24 hours can make a huge difference in perspective. This is especially true when faced with what appears to be a desperate situation. Some people have become stuck because they rashly made emotional, business decisions regarding family or friends, and now moving forward becomes stickier than ever.
- Making Everything About You: Some highly skilled, extremely talented, super ambitious people are stuck behind themselves. They can’t see beyond their dreams, their goals, their desires, and their intentions. They wonder why they’re all alone in their endeavor and journey in life, but they fail to realize their disposition is caustic. No one trusts a person that’s all about them. People want to be in “win-win” scenarios. Zig Ziglar said; “If you help enough people get what they want, you can have whatever you want.” Lead with service. Discover how your dream can serve the dreams of others. Explore how your talents and abilities can make others’ lives better, providing more value and benefit. When we can get us out of the way, we’ll then find an abundance of people ready to ally with us and do something of epic proportion.
- Fighting the Inevitable: Many of us are fighters. We thrive on it. We live for it. However, there are times when fighting isn’t the best option. This is always true when we’re fighting to change things we absolutely have no way or right to do so. For example; fighting to change your spouse is a losing battle. In that fight, both parties lose. Fighting to change your boss is a losing battle. Fighting to change the evolution or devolution of society is a losing battle. People are going to do and be as they intend. Now, before you accuse me of being cynical or pessimistic, let me hasten to clarify my position and disposition in my statements. I believe the only real fight worth fighting is the fight to change us. It is in this fight we can influence our spouses, our bosses, and the world by our personal commitment to live the principles we hold dear and think are best for all. But, going toe-to-toe with the inevitable is futile, a huge drain on energy, time, and resources. People waste years and decades embroiled in heated battles in this way. They seem to always be in conflict with something or someone. The world is the perfect reflection of all of us as a collective, and we’ll see real change the moment each of us fights the good fight of personal transformation and evolution.
- Playing Leap Frog: Some people are stuck in a perpetual game of leap-frog. They hastily jump from one thing to another. They jump from one bad relationship to another. They jump from one place to another. They jump from one opportunity to another. They jump from one project to another. This wouldn’t be all bad if not for the major issue of they leave everything undone. The entirety of their lives is frayed, mangled, disorganized, tattered, incomplete, and chaotic. They lack persistence and therefore relegate themselves to a life of subsistence because they lack the inner discipline to stay the course long enough to complete anything. Jumping from one thing to another is exhausting! But, if we focused, disciplining ourselves, we could experience a new found rhythm and joy in life. This is established and sustained by creating a cycle of beginning and completing each new endeavor. It might make sense if you decide today whether it’s in your best interest to keep leaping frogs or if there is more to be gained by finding the right ground and planting your feet there for a while.
- Intense Focus on the Wrong Things: Too often we’re deluded by our intense focus. We’re intently focused, but it’s on the wrong thing. Some of us are rehearsing all the negatives, the failures, what’s missing, what’s wrong in life, and we’re totally invested in it all. We wake up tired, restless, cranky, anxious and ready to lie back down before we’ve done anything in a new day. We’ve given in to our cynicism and pessimism. We’ve fallen into the abyss of despair because of our vantage point. Some misunderstand that our preoccupation with resisting our problems only strengthens their grip on us mentally and emotionally. Resistance is the key to all strength, and that’s not good in this regard. They key is to let go of the cycle of resistance and simply change your focus. Instead of trying to figure out why everything is so wrong, refocus on the right you desire and intend. Then, commit to the process of figuring out how to realize the right you desire and intend. Turn on your creativity. Dream of options and detour routes to your desired destination. Some people even rehearse what’s wrong in prayer. Don’t pray over what’s wrong! Declare what you perceive as right! Declare what you intend! Declare what you see yourself becoming, what you see yourself doing, and what you see yourself having! And in order to do so, you’ll have to see it and focus on it first.
I wish you all the best, and above all, I’m hopeful you’ll make a personal decision to avoid getting stuck. But, if you do, I hope you’ll muster the courage to do all in your power to get unstuck and live the most incredible life you could ever imagine.
